The thought of doing it with Barbara, just because she needed an experience in oral sex, made me feel very uncomfortable. Furthermore, it brought back my guilt about doing it with an underage girl."No," I heard myself saying. "No, no." Yes," I heard Chelsea saying. "Yes, yes."I heard myself chuckling."Alex," Chelsea said, hypnotizing me. "Believe me, you'll like it. Believe me, she'll like it. Believe me, it's good for you. Believe me, it's good for her. Believe me, it's not wrong. Believe me, it's wrong to leave her in jeopardy..."And while I was still trying to ignore what she was saying so I could get my brain to work, Chelsea rose from the couch. She pulled my hand, and dragged me into my bedroom. She then went to the bathroom and knocked on the door three times.I saw Barbara coming out. She was wrapped with a light blue bathing towel with some printed flowers on it. Her entire thighs and legs were exposed. It's very hard to not think about what was underneath her towel. Barbara. Stupid Brandon. Why does he have to be so loyal? Well. Not that loyalty is a bad thing... Just that he should be loyal to me! I mean, come on—what have I got to offer that Meredith doesn't? I have bigger boobs, I'm cuter than she is, I don't have that enormous chin like she does... I'll show him, I thought to myself. I'll show him.(If I had caught myself thinking this at any other time, I would've probably hit myself. Snap out of it, you psycho! Stealing boyfriends is not what nice girls do! But there was something wrong with me. Arie was the one who explained it, because her parents used to do the same: I had reached the point, she said, where I could justify things as being 'for the greater good.' If you're honest with yourself and you say, 'I want Brandon because I'm lonely and insecure and, even in the few moments I've seen him and Meredith together, I've gotten jealous of what they have, ' you can't justify it. But if you say, 'It's for Brandon's own good, ' then, it all seems.
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